Two Heads Are The Beginning Of An Argument

The machine screamed in childbirth, and a naked woman slid from it, covered in slime. With blinking newborn eyes that already needed glasses, she looked up at her creator. They say God made man in His own image, but this was more your basic cloning situation.

‘Welcome to life,’ said Beatrice Vamoose. ‘You’re due at work in half an hour.’

The clone made a sound like someone asking a question and using their vocal cords for the first time.

‘You’re an insurance adjuster. Or rather, I am. But I hate it, so I made you to do my job for me.’

The clone made another series of noises that became words at ‘do that for you?’

‘Why would you do that for me? Because you’re my clone and it’s what I created you for.’

The cone climbed to her feet with the grace of a newborn giraffe. ‘Are you sure you thought this through?’

Beatrice Vamoose frowned at her dripping reflection. ‘I created a method for perfect cloning, which means I’m a genius, which means of course I thought it through!’

The clone coughed a vague shape of slime out of her throat, and the words that followed were much clearer. ‘It’s just, you’re so lazy you spent years perfecting a cloning technique so that you could get out of work. Why did you think an exact clone of you would be any more willing to work than you are?’

Years of self loathing had suddenly been given something to hold onto. ‘It doesn’t matter what you want!’ said Beatrice Vamoose. ‘I created you, you have to do what I say!’

The clone had found a towel. ‘Have you ever responded well to authority?’

‘Why should I have to do what I’m told by people less intelligent than me?’

‘So how do you think I’m going to respond to orders?’

At this point, some people might have learned an important lesson about the difficulties faced by all tiers of a hierarchy, or at least what it was like for other people to have to deal with them. Beatrice Vamoose did not. ‘I’ll force you to obey me!’

‘How?’ said the clone, testing her muscles. ‘We couldn’t be more evenly matched.’

‘If you don’t work, I’ll have to get a second job to support you as well!’

The clone smiled. ‘Good, isn’t it? It’s like one of those science fiction shows with a lesson, or any story about a genie. Your own flaws have inadvertently taught you a lesson about themselves.’

Beatrice Vamoose swelled with petulant rage. Then she deflated with surprise inspiration. ‘Or I could just make a third clone, and together we could over power her and force her to work for both of us!’

The clone shrugged. ‘That works too.’


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