Interesting People Do Look At Explosions

The bad guys’ headquarters exploded, a perfect example of Michael Bay’s Theory Of Story Structure And Emotional Subtext.

‘Woah, what is that?’ said Jack Nitro.

‘It’s an explosion,’ said Kevin.

Jack Nitro’s stoic masculinity was fractured by a moment of confusion. ‘That’s what explosions look like?’

‘Surely you of all people should know what an explosion looks like,’ said Kevin. ‘You’re a former SAS spy working undercover as a cop who doesn’t play by the rules. You’re constantly causing explosions.’

Jack Nitro put on a pair of sunglasses. ‘But I’m a cool former SAS spy working undercover as a cop who doesn’t play by the rules. Cool guys don’t look at explosions.’

Kevin didn’t need sunglasses because he could make facial expressions. ‘So you’ve never seen one before now?’


‘What did you think they looked like?’

Jack Nitro took his sunglasses off. ‘Dogs.’


‘Like, really big dogs.’

Kevin looked from the explosion to a nearby dog who was also watching the explosion. ‘Why?’

‘When I was a boy we had a dog, and if you left him alone in the house he’d tear everything up. I guess the aftermath of explosions always reminded me of our house after Pibbles had rampaged.’

‘So you thought a bomb was just a small box with a really big dog inside?’

‘I guess.’

‘And grenades have slightly smaller but still quite big dogs inside them?’

‘I suppose.’

‘And America dropped a pair of truly gigantic dogs on Japan to end the war?’

‘Intellectuals are always saying how the Japanese giant monster craze was a cultural response to the inconceivable horror of the atomic bomb,’ said Jack Nitro.

Kevin did something part nod, part shrug, all impressed. ‘Fair point. I’ll let you have that one. But basically, you’ve spent your career thinking you were letting giant dogs loose on your enemies and you never once turned around to have a look?’

‘That’s right.’

‘So cool is just a word for total lack of curiosity and/or interest in the affects your actions have on the world?’

Jack Nitro put his sunglasses back on. ‘What did you think it meant?’


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