Month: October 2016

The False Dichotomy Of Trick Or Treat


There was a knock on the door, followed by children in disguise.

‘Trick or treat!’ said the children.

‘I refuse to submit to your false dichotomy,’ said the home owner. (more…)


The Merits Of Deliberate Combustion: A Play


Somewhere rural. Somewhen pre vacuum cleaner.

IAN: She’s a witch! Burn her!

FLEMING: I don’t follow.

IAN: What’s not to follow?

FLEMING: Your line of reasoning.

IAN: She’s a witch! A crone! She’s had congress with the Beast!

FLEMING: So you want to burn her?

IAN: Of course!

FLEMING: You want to burn Satan’s girlfriend? (more…)

What’s Black And White And Red All Over?


The sky was white. So was the ground. Snow thick enough to doubt the earth. Riled by a harsh wind, snow whipped against snow, an unflinching self flagellation that betrayed the cheerful lie of snow globes. And stark within the storm, a house that looked like it was made of candy canes and gingerbread.

‘Laquisha,’ said Father Christmas, ‘I have something to show you.’

Laquisha Christmas, sometime known as Mrs. Clause, looked to her husband with a smile of happy expectation that had dulled only slightly over the years. ‘Can it wait a minute? The kettle’s nearly boiled.’

‘I’m afraid it’s waited too long already,’ said Father Christmas. His tone, usually wrapped thick in holiday cheer, was naked. It cut through the mundanity of married life like an inappropriate Christmas present through a child who has just realised that sometimes Mum is right.

‘What’s the matter?’ said Laquisha, kettle forgotten.

Father Christmas held out an envelope, carefully opened, then crumpled, then hastily smoothed out. ‘We’re bankrupt.’ (more…)

Human Resources

The door to the Human Resources Representative’s office merely said ‘Human.’ Presumably because they’d run out of room for the word ‘Resources.’ Or possibly it was a cost cutting measure.

Inside, the Human Resources Representative emanated the empty politeness of a sociopath or a human resources representative. ‘Daisy, thanks for coming in. I know you were very excited to start today, but I’m afraid there’s been a mistake.’

Daisy, whose excitement was tinged by a resentment of the economic and societal factors that caused her to be excited for an office job in the first place, said ‘What’s happened?’

The HR Representative glanced at her monitor, and then back up. ‘It turns out you’re not a real daisy.’ (more…)