Month: June 2016

The Wizards Of Egypt: A Play

Egypt. But like, Ancient Egypt. Although if you think about it, Ancient Egypt was actually a lot younger than the Egypt we have now.

BRIAN: Hey, Pharaoh?

PHARAOH: What’s up, Brian?

BRIAN: I was just thinking. You know how Moses and his brother keep showing up and being all like ‘free our people’?


BRIAN: And they’re always like, ‘We’re messengers from God’ or whatever, and then they do all that crazy stuff. Like, they turn water into blood, and that thing with all the frogs?


BRIAN: And every time, you get your wizards to do the same crazy stuff. Like, I’m pretty sure they turned a stick into a snake?


BRIAN: Well, it’s just that, I mean, that’s a pretty big deal. Those guys literally created life out of an inanimate object like it was nothing.

PHARAOH: What’s your point?

BRIAN: I guess I’m just wondering why, if we have these magic wizard guys who literally have the same powers as God, why do we even need slaves? Like, why don’t we just use magic for all that stuff? I mean, it doesn’t even have to be a humanitarian thing, it’s just practical. It takes ages to build a pyramid with slaves. And you have to feed them and pay people to whip them. Your wizard could bang up ten pyramids tomorrow. For free. (more…)


Jenny And The Stealth Mission

Jenny didn’t want to eat her vegetables. This wasn’t because of how they tasted, although admittedly, brussels sprouts, gross. This was because they spoke to her.

Not metaphorically. They didn’t light a fire of inspiration or empathy or understanding within her. They literally spoke to her.¬†They said things like ‘Why should I pay for your healthcare? There’s nothing wrong with me.’ And ‘How do you know God didn’t create the universe? Were you there?’ (more…)