Month: September 2015

Love And Sacrifice: A Play

Somewhere romantic. Like the alley behind a restaurant. Or a volcano. Pope and Francis share a single stand of spaghetti. On a side note, I learned everything I know about romance from Lady and the Tramp and James Bond movies.

Pope: Francis, you complete me.

Francis: You complete me too, Pope.

Pope: No, I mean literally. Your limbs and head are a perfect match. I’ll finally be more than a torso in a chair. (more…)


The Impossible Explanation

Terry was outraged. The kind of outraged that would have made an active volcano take a wary step back. They’d legalised gay marriage.

‘How the hell are we supposed to explain this to Furiosa?!’ In normal conversation it would have been a shout. In this conversation it was a sedate interlude.

Aubrey’s face was the kind of practiced calm perfected over years. ‘I shouldn’t have let you name our daughter.’ (more…)

To The Airport

The cab slowed down before the driver had a chance to look properly at the man hailing it. The man got in before the cab had time to speed up again. It hadn’t completely stopped.

‘You’ve probably noticed my clothes are made of newspapers,’ said the man, with the confidence of someone wearing clothes made of fabric. His name was Rob.

‘I’ve just finished my shift, I was slowing down to eat lunch,’ said the cab driver.

‘I know that’s a lie for two reasons. Because you had your light on, and because I am an excellent liar, and just as an excellent artist can tell when people are bad artists, I can tell when people are bad liars.’

‘Please get out of my cab.’ (more…)

The True Meaning Of Consumerism

She smiled like she’d be fired if she didn’t. ‘Hi, welcome to a shop of some kind. It’s not plot relevant which kind. How can I help you?’

He smiled like it was considered rude to express his real emotions. ‘Lately all human endeavour seems pointless to me. No matter how I look at it, if I step back far enough our civilisation is nothing more than a mechanism for moving random clusters of atoms to different locations. A mechanism to which we’re expected to sacrifice our time, our relationships, our happiness.’

Her smile faltered for a fraction of a second. ‘I’m not sure I understand.’

His smile fell off. ‘Help me not see the world that way.’ (more…)

Birth, Kind Of Disappointing

Stan had seen a lot of bad things. A severed leg, the death of his father, the Star Wars prequels, but this was the worst. If someone had offered him a choice between this and and having his teeth chiselled into dust, he would have gone and found his chisel. If birth was a miracle, he’d rather live in a universe without God.

His daughter was born. (more…)


The alley is dark and foreboding. If it wasn’t it would be a laneway. Or a very thin street. A light flickers, and a cat knocks over a bin for purposes of dramatic mood setting. Edward regrets his shortcut even before the young men step from the shadows.

‘Give us your wallet,’ says one of them. If he was the subject of a newspaper article it would not be sympathetic. (more…)

Super Hitler

He looked deep into her eyes, shimmering in the candlelight. ‘I love you.’

She looked deep into his abs. ‘My genitals override my brain when I look at you.’

Tongues intertwined. Hands stroked and lingered in ways few religious leaders would encourage. The air cracked like lightning being snapped in half and a man leaped from a radiant portal that hadn’t been there a second ago. (more…)