The Test Results

She looked like a doctor should look. Unless you were a misogynist. Luckily, Ian wasn’t a misogynist. Ian just looked like some guy.

‘Now, there’s no need to ‘freak out’,’ she made the quotation marks with her hands, ‘but there were some abnormalities in your test results.’

Ian tried not to ‘freak out’. ‘What sort of abnormalities?’

She looked down at her paperwork, then up again. ‘Well, there’s no easy way to put it. You are of the Elder Kind.’

Ian waited for her to continue. She did not. ‘It seems like there’s probably an easier way to put it than that.’

She tried again. ‘You are an Old One.’


‘A Dawn King?’

‘Still nope.’

‘Time’s Living Womb, the past from which the future will be born?’

‘I know that you’re trying your best, but it’s not working.’

‘What Was must Be Again.’

‘Imagine you’re me. Say the words that would make sense to you.’

‘Time is cyclical. You ruled, thus you will rule.’

‘Okay, I’ll make this as simple as I can. Do I have herpes?’

She checked her clipboard. ‘Yes.’


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