Communication: A Play

At the top of a ladder. The clouds seem too low today. And they’re green.

Nancy: We need to talk.

Drew: You want to talk, there’s a difference.

Nancy: No, we need to talk. Professor Armageddon released a deadly virus, if we don’t keep our jaws and tongue in constant motion, we’ll die.

Drew: That doesn’t mean we have to talk. We could just go like this.

Drew goes like this.

Nancy: We also need to vibrate our larynx.

Drew: This is a very specific virus.

Nancy: Professor Armageddon is a very specific man.

Drew: I don’t have anything to say.

Nancy: We could talk about our relationship.

Drew: This weather we’ve been having sure is hot or cold.

Nancy: What about your drinking problem?

Drew: I prefer to see it as a drinking solution.

Nancy: That lump is only getting bigger.

Drew: We don’t know it’s a lump. Maybe it’s a muscle.

Nancy: A testicle muscle?

Drew: Evolution is born from random mutations. My testicle could be the first step towards the future of humanity.

Nancy: Only if you breed. Does this mean you’re ready to talk about us having kids?

Drew: Sometimes when I drink, I black out for days at a time.

Nancy: Now you suddenly want to talk about your drinking problem?

Drew: Yesterday I woke up in a policeman’s uniform. I Googled his name and he’s been missing for over a year.

Nancy: You know I want to have kids. Why are you so scared of growing up?

Drew: At first I thought I’d done something terrible. But the uniform fit perfectly, and the photos on his Facebook page look just like me.

Nancy: Do you think I’d make a bad mother?

Drew: And I have that recurring dream every night.

Nancy: If you refuse to talk about anything important, we might as well stop talking altogether.

Drew: I think I used to be Sergeant Mitch Conway.

Nancy: Fine, if you don’t want to talk, I might as well let Professor Armageddon win.

Drew: In the dreams I’m so angry.

Nancy says nothing very loudly.

Drew: And impotent.

Nancy’s silence gets louder.

Drew: Of course I want to know the truth, but what if it’s a mistake to go back to that life?

Nancy falls off the ladder, dead.

Drew: You know what? I’ll arrest Professor Apocalypse, and if I like it, well, we’ll see.

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