Zeus: MRA

Leaning in, ‘Kiss me.’

Leaning away, ‘You’re a goose.’

Leaning further in, ‘I’m a swan.’

Leaning further away, ‘That’s only a significant difference to other swans.’

‘I don’t understand women,’ said Zeus.

On the other side of the bar the bar tender did her best to appear both blind and deaf. In the corner the DJ played to an empty dance floor. Leda looked to the door and willed her friends to arrive. It didn’t work. She should have waited outside. ‘Why would you? You’re basically a large duck. How did you even get in here?’

‘The swan is an elegant, sensual creature,’ said the Zeus, posing for emphasis.

‘You have both a beak and teeth,’ said Leda.

‘Look at the graceful curve of my neck.’

‘Why do you think a graceful bird neck would be sexually appealing to a human woman?’

The graceful curve of Zeus’ neck went slack. ‘I used to be so virile grown women would shoot right out of my forehead.’

Leda spoke as comfortingly as she could without touching him. ‘I don’t know what that means.’

‘Now I can’t even get a kiss. Because of feminism.’

Leda spoke less comfortingly. ‘What?’

‘You say you want a nice guy, but then when you actually meet one you put him straight in the friend zone and go have sex with some bastard who doesn’t respect you.’

‘We just met.’

‘I mean, I treat women with respect. I transform into bulls, I transform into showers of gold, I transform into swans, and you won’t even give me a chance.’

‘You just waddled up and asked me to kiss you. After spending four minutes trying to climb onto the stool.’

‘You think you’re better than me, just because you’re a woman. You’re not even that hot.’

‘Why did you think transforming into a swan would impress women?’

‘Sorry I’m not some roided up trust fund bad boy!’

Leda moved her drink away from his wildly flapping wings. ‘It seems like you’ve decided what women should want, become that, and now you’re blaming women because you were wrong.’

Zeus slumped in defeat, and then rose again with a fresh idea and a hat. ‘What if I put on this fedora?’

Leda fell in love. ‘Marry me.’

Zeus backed the hell off. ‘I’m not looking for anything serious.’


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